Today’s Caitlin Johnstone essay has been replaced with a National News Conglomerate op-ed by General Hank Hammerfist. NNC: Obey.

The Trump administration has begun slashing the US military presence in Germany from an almost satisfactory 36,000 troops to a practically microscopic 24,000. I think we can all agree that this is the single worst thing that has ever happened in the history of Germany, and arguably the universe.

While most Americans were until now unaware that their government had that many troops in a nation known predominantly for beer and bleak documentaries, pundits and politicians in the know have been rightly proclaiming their outrage at this catastrophic event which disrupts God’s natural plan of endless military expansionism until the entire planet is an undifferentiated sea of camouflage fatigues and tiny American flag patches.

“Trump’s decision to withdraw US Forces from Germany shows a broad lack of strategic understanding. It sends the wrong signal to our adversaries and leaves our allies vulnerable in the face of increasing global threats. It’s simply unacceptable,” tweeted former National Security Advisor John Bolton, who as we all know is always correct about military matters.

“Did Trump give Putin a heads up on the removal of 12,000 US troops from Germany? Was there an implication it was a kind of down payment for election help, a taste of what could follow in a second term?” asks super smart foreign policy expert Bill Kristol.

“US to withdraw nearly 12,000 troops from Germany in move that will cost billions and take years,” warns a CNN headline that is both helpful and totally sane.

NPR’s national security correspondent David Welna informs us that the move is “a slap at a longtime ally frequently reviled by President Trump.”

“There’s no strategy behind the decision to withdraw U.S. troops from Germany,” says Slate foreign policy pundit Fred Kaplan. “It’s about the president’s anger and ego.”

“The plan outlined by the Administration today to remove thousands of U.S. troops from Germany is a grave error,” said Senator Mitt Romney in a statement. “It is a slap in the face at a friend and ally when we should instead be drawing closer in our mutual commitment to deter Russian and Chinese aggression. And it is a gift to Russia coming at a time when we just have learned of its support for the Taliban and reports of bounties on killing American troops.”

“A special gift to Putin and a blow to NATO,” tweeted former National Security Advisor Susan Rice. “Donald Trump is not playing on America’s team.”

So as you can see, this troop withdrawal is being met with righteous garment rending by all the best people. What more evidence do you need that we should regard endless military expansionism as the norm and treat even the slightest most peripheral deviation from that path as a freakish apocalyptic travesty?

I weep for the poor Germans, who are doubtless stricken with inconsolable terror at the loss of one third of their benevolent protectors. Who will protect Germany from being occupied by a violent and brutal regime without a robust occupying US military force?

I for one can’t wait until we get this evil, despotic monster out of the White House and replace him with someone who understands what America is really all about.




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42 responses to “Op-Ed: The Exit Of 12,000 US Troops Is The Single Worst Event In German History”

  1. I’m kinda thinking that the millions of Germans killed during WWI, the aftermath and WWII and its aftermath, are infinitely worse than some US occupation troops leaving.

  2. Barbara Mullin Avatar
    Barbara Mullin

    Hard to believe how this group makes Trump look good. All the criticism of Trump belies the DNC having no problem with war mongering, war propaganda, and corporatism.

  3. “nation known predominantly for beer and bleak documentaries”

    he forgot to mention Sauerkraut, Schnitzel and Schweinshaxe and Blutwurst.
    The coffee is lousy (still miles above what Americans call coffee), Germans are always complaining and worst of all for the USA have lost all taste for war except for a few short haired nut jobs who think they are Adolph’s chosen ones.

    1. Really? What else did he forget to mention?

      1. Ahh, there is so much more……

  4. ‘Avoid’ peace in Europe – Esper

    Freudian ‘Slip’ !!

  5. Den lille abe Avatar
    Den lille abe

    Is this satire or what!
    The US need to completely get the F**k out Europe now. We do not want them, we do not like them, piss off please!

    1. Andrew P. Shelley Avatar
      Andrew P. Shelley

      Yes, it’s satire. If I had my way as an American, we would have no troops overseas anywhere except a small blue water navy to protect our own shores only.

    2. I agree get Americans out of Europe because there’s trouble coming and we don’t need them to take hostages….the UN is next drop them like a hot potatoes all they want is American money….

      1. How could that be satire? Does the name Hammerfist NOT ring several bells at once? How could any responsible blogger dare to make fun about such a serious topic, eventually leading astray her flock into the depth of thinking for themselves….

  6. USA-ma Bin Laden Avatar
    USA-ma Bin Laden

    America is so deranged in its militarism and war lust that it has become self-parody.

    Donald Trump is only relocating America’s benevolent stormtroopers from Germany to elsewhere in Europe like Belgium.

    It is not as if he is (gasp) ending America imperial outposts in Europe or around the world in general.

    Yet, these American war criminals and warmongers are getting triggered big-time over this bureaucratic military reshuffling.

  7. This used to be more of a challenge. It’s getting too easy to poke fun at the establishment’s increasingly ridiculous narratives. Ample grist for the commentator mill, eh?

    1. It’s sort of depressing when the people are presented with a choice between an incompetent fascist and an incompetent crew of Deep-Statist imperial warmongers. I guess we just can’t do any better as a country. There are some individuals and groups out there fighting the good fight, but they’re swamped in the stupidity and the funny money. They vote for it and vote for it, and when the crash comes they’ll blame everyone and everything but themselves.

  8. I often wonder what color the sky is in the world of those worshiping the Military Industrial Complex, and the members of the same. But then I realize, they never look up. They have accepted their psychotic task, and hold their nose to the grindstone 24/7. As if destruction were the highest virtue, to be pursued every where possible and at all costs.

  9. I can envision what went on behind the scenes with “Trump” is pulling 12,000 troops out of Germany (but moving them to Poland). It went like this:

    Andrea Merkel: so you’re telling us we can no longer engage in trade with China, eh? Hell no! In that case you can just pull your fucking troops out of here, starting NOW!

    (sorry inadvertently posted this earlier in comments about the deep state agenda)

    1. What we wish Angela said Avatar
      What we wish Angela said

      Sie amerikanische Arschlöcher können Scheiße essen gehen! Fick deine Truppen und den Panzer, auf dem sie geritten sind!

  10. Dear General Hammerfist. I really feel your pain at this horrendous decision. Please drag your feet on this troop removal. I have it on good authority that Trump will not win the election regardless of the vote. Yours truly. Jimmy Blackheart. Deep cover CIA democratic operative

  11. Couldn’t be further from the truth.. Should have changed the title to what the DS has called this futuristic vison…. RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA where the real threat will be for a short while is CCP in CHINA backed by what we call the DS… Bunch of sickos living in a echo chamber…

  12. > Today’s Caitlin Johnstone essay has been replaced with a National News Conglomerate op-ed by General Hank Hammerfist. NNC: Obey.
    Here he is:
    Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper — Dr. Strangelove, by Stanley Kubrick

  13. ‘Tis a delightful basket of reality, fantasy, drama, comedy, great beer, adequate wine, spicy sausages, stinky cheeses and hard crackers, delivered via fast aircraft precision automobile at no posted Mach speed limit you’ve weaved and packed for us here Caitlin! I love it when demigod level truth reality and total impish ridiculousness combine to be totally indiscernible from one another. Oh, and mushrooms! There must be mushrooms! As a side benefit to the withdrawals I hear the very nice officer’s clubs are opening up memberships to civilians entering at corporate officer level. If one plays their cards right perhaps it is still possible to have a great beer with a still surviving Iron Cross awardee.

  14. Blair Schirmer Avatar
    Blair Schirmer

    One of the most interesting failures of disorganized progressive and democratic socialist movements is the failure to trumpet simple, persuasive facts, such as that Russia’s military budget is roughly one-quarter that of Western Europe. One-quarter. Every year.
    And that’s just Western Europe.
    Russia’s military budget is less than one-tenth that of the United States. Every year. Less than one-tenth. That’s been true for most of the last 30 years.
    And since military spending is in significant part cumulative (you buy a tank one year, you usually have that tank the next year, particularly in the absence of a shooting war), how exactly is Russia a threat to Europe, even if the United States completely withdraws from Europe?
    Facts are lethal to the nonsense stories the oligarchy wants to tell. State facts.

  15. Julius Skoolafish Avatar
    Julius Skoolafish

    Note to DJT – Syria has not been making its contributions …

  16. Bullying the entire planet’s human population is going to take more and more resources. It is a ” policy ” that is destined to fail. However that does not mean that ” our leaders ever intend to change course or direction “; it just means that our leaders are willing to kill everyone to have their own way all of the time.

  17. “Amis Raus!”, as the old slogan goes.

    There’s talk that the troops will be stationed in Poland, effectively a “withdrawal towards the front line”.

    1. Reminds me of an old gatecrashing trick, in which, facing away from the venue, you pretend to leave but actually walk in backwards.

  18. Smedley Butler Avatar
    Smedley Butler

    In reality only 6400 of that 12,000 is coming home. The rest are going elsewhere in Europe. Most likely Belgium and Poland. If the current clown in the White House were for real we would be talking about removing the 24,000 troops from South Korea as well as closing the more than 800 military bases we have around the world. Including removing the recently upgraded nukes that were moved from Incirlik AFB in Turkey to Romania. Freaking Romania FFS!

    This is nothing more than campaign stunt. And a further distraction from the miserable failures of the current administration and the lackeys in congress on domestic policy.

  19. … according to “you”
    ‘e’s damned if ‘e do,
    ‘n damned if ‘e don’t

    err – make up yer mind

  20. Bitte spenden Sie viele Euro an “Go Fund Me Account”, damit Amerika eine große militärische Besatzungstruppe in Deutschland unterhalten kann. Dies ist wichtig, um Putin davon abzuhalten, die Welt zu übernehmen. Senden Sie Geld an “America-Saves-the-World-Fund”.
    Danke, Geist von Adolph Hitler, Emeritierter Führer

  21. Klaus von Berlin Avatar
    Klaus von Berlin

    They all need to take some ginger its an anti-inflammatory action via several independent mechanism.

  22. The ‘Dual Citizens’ set US foreign policy – in turn – Israel instructs the ‘Dual Citizens’.

    Of course Israel is under instruction from BIS.

    There will simply NEVER be change until there is a new monetary system – something we may see in 2021 from the Chinese.

    China makes goods for the US at great expense – they are paid for in freshly ‘created’ $US – China is smart and they used these $US to invest in business globally and buy GOLD.

    China’s global investments are under attack from the US ( see Huawei – exhibit 1 ) – US are trying to close this ‘loophole’ that China has exploited.

    China is – of course – the world’s largest gold producer AND buyer – China exports NO gold. Russia has overtaken Australia as the second largest producer of gold.

    Last week Russia announced that gold ‘exports’ were actually larger than NG sales in the last 12 months and I would suggest that Russia is building up the gold reserves of its economically poorer ‘allies’ !

    Of course – Saddam wanted to abandon the $US as did Ghaddafi – unfortunately that was ‘over ambitious’ of them and their countries were destroyed – the Rothschild Khazarian Mafia (RKM) took care of them with their NATO military !

    China and Russia have been producing and hoarding GOLD at a feverish pace – of course, now, they are in the RKM ‘crosshairs’ – the RKM ‘knows’ it is on borrowed time !

    JFK was the last American President to try and make an ‘independent’ decision !

  23. Does that mean that those 12,000 troops and their families will only suffer from radioactive fallout, rather than complete disintegration, when that evil Putin launches his nuclear arsenal on Russia’s biggest customer base?

  24. Brilliant, “Hank.” WWII has only been over for 75 years…We really won’t know when we will finally be safe from the next German…uh, Russian…uh, Chinese…uh, anyway… ATTACK!! Better stay ready for it. USA USA!

  25. Great read, Caitlin. The cost of Billions of Dollars to the US is because Germany will no longer be paying for the presence of 12,000 US troops – just a remaining 24,000. My fear is that the hand-holding trip of Foreign Minister Marise Payne and Defence (ironic term here) Minister Linda Reynolds from Australia (in the midst of corona-everywhere-in-the-US virus) across the Pacific to the Court of Pompeo has been to reassure the US of Australia’s continued subservience to US strategic aims (anti-China, anti-NKorea, etc) and to offer Darwin as a replacement Camp/Base for the 12,000 due to depart Germany – and Australia will then have to foot the bill! Ugh!

    1. Who is paying for the bulk fuel tanks being built in Darwin to service the US fleet of ships? Australia really needs its own foreign policy. The only reason the US wants Australia as ‘friend and ally’ is due to location and more proximity to China, making us a target.

  26. I agree with this
    evil, despotic monster out of the White House

  27. I hope your readers understand this is irony.
    Sadly, they are moving the troops to Italy. I wonder if Italy knows?
    So they can be closer to the Black Sea where all the action is expected to happen.
    We could have hoped they might go home and leave the world in peace … but no.
    The garment rending can stop.

    1. I got it. I’d categorize it more as sarcasm/satire… So sad that most of the commentors didn’t.

    2. Italy joined the BRI – that’s why they ‘received’ a severe strain of the ‘virus’ – as did Iran – China and Russia !!

      Troops will be going to Italy for the same reason – BRI sabotage !

      70% of the the US economy is (directly or indirectly) WAR dependent – NO war NO economy !

      1. Can you provide a source for that, please?

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