HomeArticleOn Orgasm And Female Sexuality

On Orgasm And Female Sexuality

This article contains graphic sexual content, which I guess is pretty obvious from the title. I have written the following in broad generalities that any mature adult will be able to read with the understanding that there are obviously exceptions. When I say “women” I do not mean “all women all the time in every possible situation”, and when I say “men” I do not mean “all men all the time in every possible situation.” I write here about heterosexual cis sex because that is what I know, not because I believe that’s the only form of sexual expression.

~

I got my first vibrator as a gift back in 1993. I looked at the pink, smooth plastic phallus, leaned in to my friend who’d given it to me, and said, “Uhh, I don’t think this will work for me?”

She knew exactly what I meant. “Oh, you just lay it on top of your pussy so it sits on your clit,” she said.

I remember thinking to myself, then why bother shaping it like a penis? Men don’t do that during sex. They don’t lay their cocks on our clitorises and buzz them until we come. They shove it in and out until they come.

They sucked at making vibrators back in 1993. This was before they started making them with those rabbit clit stimulator parts, or even really building them with an understanding of what actually gives women orgasms. Mine was built to be inserted into the vagina, with no hope of it ever even brushing against my clit. Even to get the straight cylindrical plastic to hit my g-spot I’d have to twist around and insert it into myself from behind at a difficult angle, and, let’s face it ladies, g-spot orgasms aren’t all that.

They’re not. I know we’re all meant to pretend that what happens to our bodies when men porn fuck us at the right angle is at least as pleasurable and satisfying as a clitoral orgasm, if not more so. Men love it when we gush about the magical and wonderful the sort of orgasm we have when they’re deep dicking us like Ron Jeremy, so some women say exactly that, because most women expend a great deal of mental energy throughout their lives working to prevent men from feeling sexually inadequate. They do that for all sorts of reasons, mostly to do with their own safety.

It’s an outrageous heresy to say otherwise, but if you get a group of trusting girlfriends together in a safe space to compare notes you’ll come up with a general consensus that clitoral orgasms are where the actual pleasure and satisfaction are located, while g-spot orgasms just kinda give you a really big feeling, send you to a trippy head space, and make your body do strange things. They look spectacular, especially when men give them to us on purpose with their fingers; there’s lots of shaking and moaning, maybe even some squirting, but the actual experience of a g-spot-only orgasm, if we’re really honest with ourselves, is not anything you’d call pleasure. When women masturbate themselves, they stimulate the clit for a reason. The clit orgasm is the pleasurable one. For the most part, g-spot orgasms are an emotional crutch both genders have given themselves to compensate for the fact that female sexual pleasure is still very much on the back burner in 2018.

And that, obviously, is a problem. It is a problem that most sex still happens in a way that is disinterested in whether or not there is a severe pleasure disparity between participants. In a healthy world, sex would happen because both partners want to experience sexual pleasure, not because one partner wants to experience sexual pleasure and the other partner has been pressured into it by guilt, by marital expectations, by manipulation, by fear of losing a provider for her children, or by a society-enforced sense of obligation. And we should all want to help create a healthy world.

There is no valid reason sex should happen if both partners aren’t into it. Wives and girlfriends should not “put out” just because their partner is horny; if a man wants sex from his partner, he should get it by making himself desirable. Making himself desirable means treating her right and being a good partner; her sexual desire won’t open up to him if he is unkind or unreliable. Making himself desirable means making sure that there are no pressing financial or domestic concerns, because female sexuality, tied as it is to her reproductive system, tends to shut down when her life isn’t at the level of stability and abundance you’d want if you were going to bring a baby into the world. Making himself desirable means taking all the burdens of sexual obligation off of her and telling her sincerely that he only wants to have sex with her if she desires it, and waiting patiently while she peels back the layers of culturally-enforced sexual subjugation to discover her own organic sexual desire for herself. And making himself desirable means learning to pay tons of attention to the clitoris, so she’ll enjoy sex and want more rather than less.

When female sexual pleasure is treated with the same importance as male sexual pleasure, sex looks nothing like what you see in porn. Porn is generally where most men and women are getting their ideas about what sex is supposed to look like, and it’s no more enlightened than when people were taking their instructions on how to have sex from the Catholic Church. Porn, simply put, is professional actresses acting out what male sexuality looks like. It is not what female sexuality looks like.

How often do you see a porn scene where the man licks and sucks a woman’s clitoris until she reaches orgasm? How often do you see the male porn star fucking the woman’s pussy while stimulating her clitoris with his hand until she comes? Basically never. A heterosexual couples porn scene typically consists of a penis going in and out of various orifices while the actress moans, and concludes when he ejaculates all over her face/dignity.

And minus the obligatory face mask of reproductive fluids, this is how most couples tend to have sex. It’s a straight line toward the male orgasm, with perhaps some polite gestures in the direction of her pleasure known as “foreplay” if he’s feeling generous, and she’s welcome to try and find some way to get off before he ejaculates and loses interest.  The word “foreplay” itself tells you all you need to know about where the priority of emphasis is placed in most bedrooms; the stuff that actually gives women orgasms is just some brief playing you do to warm her up before the real show.

Sex is actually a lot more mutually enjoyable if this is switched around. Rather than making the cock and its orgasm the center and goal of sex, make the clit and its orgasm the center and goal. Basically the only advantage in having the clitoris so far from the opening of the vagina is that we can be fucked with great enthusiasm after we come without it causing discomfort to our clits, which are sensitive after orgasm. After we’ve had a roaring clitoral orgasm, our pussies are wet and warmed up and ready to be fucked, and our clits are sufficiently out of the way to avoid discomfort.

And the man’s fun needn’t wait to start when ours ends; there are many ways for him to have tons of pleasure while still keeping his attention focused on the clit until she comes. I haven’t spoken with many women who can reach orgasm in the 69 position, but if both partners enjoy that and the woman can come that way, more power to them both. He can also stimulate her clit with the tips of his first two fingers while she rubs his cock with her hand. Use a nice thick lubricant like paw paw ointment on the clit, because orgasms take time, dry friction on the clit ruins everything, and thin lubes don’t last long enough.

And you’d never guess this by watching porn, but it is both possible and easy to have intercourse while the man stimulates the clit with his hand, and it’s intensely pleasurable for both partners. The best position for this is with the woman on her back and the man on his side, either with her near leg laying across his body or her near foot braced on the wall behind him while he fucks her. If he lays on his left side he can easily reach under her near leg with his right hand and can rub her clit (don’t forget the lube) while fucking her very easily and comfortably with his head resting on a pillow, for as long as it takes until she comes on his cock. Clitoral stimulation makes the pussy tighten up, so it’s actually ideal for both partners: him because tightness feels great and for her because the cock gives her pussy something to chew on while her clit is being pleasured. I can’t find an image of this position anywhere online, so I’ve drawn a G-rated illustration of it below:

But that can be a bit of an advanced move. For many women, just letting a man patiently pleasure her with his hand until she comes can be very confrontational, and take a lot of inner work to process. Motherhood and other social pressures often warp women’s psyches against the act of receiving to such an extent that simply receiving pleasure can be a mighty tall order by itself without adding penetration and all that jazz on top of it all, to say nothing of the challenge of having an orgasm in front of a man she may never have come for previously.

The key with all of this is patience. The reason most women fake orgasms during sex is because they feel pressure from the man to get off, and to get off a certain way. To have the real thing means removing all that pressure and letting her really deeply trust that he’ll lay by her side rubbing her clit while she learns to let the pleasure in, even if it means her stopping everything after an hour without even coming and she spent half that time crying and processing weird memories. If he makes her feel confident that he will keep touching her how she likes to be touched for as long as it takes, she will begin having orgasms, and having them more and more easily.

Not all women will need to work through it in this way, but a lot will, and if their partners truly love them they’ll be happy to join them in this adventure. Putting her sexuality first without pressuring her or leaning on her in any way and helping her discover how to share her own pleasure and sexual desire is one of the most loving things a man can do for a woman.

If a man truly loves a woman, he’ll want the real thing. He’ll want her to have real orgasms with him and real desire for him, and he’ll patiently do whatever it takes to get it. He won’t want to have sex with her unless she’s really hot for it, and will make her feel confident knowing that he’ll be fine going any length of time without sex until that happens. Depending on how conscious the man’s sexuality is, he can either jerk off when he’s horny until she’s ready for him, or he can learn to channel his powerful male sexual energy into creativity and self development. Contrary to the misogynistic doctrine of our culture, men are able to go an indefinite period of time without inserting their penises into a body, and a loving man will acknowledge this to his lover rather than trying to pressure or manipulate her into something she doesn’t truly desire.

A woman’s authentic sexual desire is the hottest thing in the world. When a man helps a woman create space for herself to let that desire flourish, he’ll see immediately that this was what he’s wanted all along, and that it’s what men have been reaching for but failing to grasp with all the porn and prostitutes and societal pressures to make women “put out” even when they don’t want to. Any man who loves his lover can have a woman who desires sex from him the way he desires it from her; he just has to be willing to work through some layers of cultural conditioning with her to get there. And then the world will be freer by that much.

This essay is probably going to make as many women uncomfortable as it does men. Many many women have been lying and faking and not asking for what they want for so very long now and the thought of him finding out is terrifying. If you’re one of those women reading this now, just relax and let me say my thing. Don’t double down and make a big social media show of how like you love it porn-style; you know you stimulate your clit when you masturbate. Getting yourself an ongoing pleasure-filled life is more important than his fleeting embarrassment. If he loves you, he wants this for you more than he wants the idea that you are already getting it from him.

And for the men who suspect that this might be their woman, remember that for her, it all started with one little white lie to save your feelings. She lied that first time because she was falling for you and she wanted your happiness more than she needed to get off. That one lie necessarily lead to another and another, but this all started because she really really liked you and she didn’t want you to feel bad. She likes you, man! She really likes you. Take heart. Take heart, and take direction. You won’t regret it.

___________________________

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Latest comments

  • Perhaps this was the true secret of the romantic success of Casanova type men throughout history.

    Perhaps they understood these important realities and intricacies about women, their minds and bodies.

    Perhaps they gave a woman as much time and space as she needed to get into a romantic mood.

    Perhaps they understood the important connection between a woman’s special area and her mind, her feelings, her emotional needs and took the time to cater to them.

    Perhaps they had a genuine love of women, enough to love and accept them as they are, not what men wished they could be.

    Perhaps they took the time to listen to what a woman is actually saying.

    The good news is I believe that any man can do this if he’s willing to put the time, work and effort into it.

    He does NOT need to be an Alpha Male or anything approaching it.

    Very important: men should not waste precious time and energy reading or watching porn. This is the WRONG place to go to learn how to be a better lover.

  • Great. Stephen Jay Gould has explained the biological basis for this; essentially the penis and the clit are the same organ. A friend of mine has a blog post about it.

  • No, no and no.
    The one true thing in this is that we enjoy orgasm as we have learned ourselves to enjoy it. For most men it is by rubbing their dicks with their hand. For most women it is by rubbing their clitoris with their fingers.

    The fucking part of sex is for men alot like masturbation. It is a similar stimulation and leads to orgasm. That is good for reproduction. For women the fucking part of sex is not similar to masturbation and does not lead to orgasm in the same way as for men but it can still be an enjoyable experience and that is good for reproduction.

    The above may seem unfair to women. Men get to have orgasms but women don’t. Since you, the reader, is not stupid you see the obvious. Most of the actual fucking during the fucking part of sex is done by the man. He is the one doing the thrusting into the mostly stationary woman. This is good for two reasons:
    1. He can do the thrusting in a way that maximises his pleasure while
    2. she has her hands free to stimulate her clitoris for maximum pleasure.

    Smart people figure this out, the rest take the lazy route and blame men.

    Remember ladies! Men are a bit sensitive down there so keep in mind where your nails are. Most men don’t get orgasm by having nails jabbed into their pelvis or balls.

    Have fun in the sack y’all! =D

  • MGTOW and feminism are two sides of the same coin. Their goal is make men and women believe that life without a partner of the opposite sex is the ideal. Henry Makow (see his website of the same name) in the section titled feminism and heterosexuality, makes some truly startling observations on the whole modern male/female relationship and how both sexes have been deliberately mislead.

    • Brad, strongly disagree. MGTOW is the response to feminism not its counter part.

      MGTOW says men will no longer put up with being slaves to women and the unjust, soul killing narrative of what a man’s role is in such a feminized society. MGTOW seeks no power over anyone else male or female. No government involvement needed.

      Meanwhile, feminism is based on three principles. 1) hate men, 2) blame men, and 3) refuse to be feminine. Feminism craves and requires constant power over others especially men.

      MGTOW liberates while feminism oppresses.

      • Caitlin feminism (read equality) was only the thin end of the wedge. The real agenda always was what you call separatist feminism and it is succeeding wonderfully. It has spawned a number of aberrations in our society which are detrimental to the male/female relationship and the family.
        Feminism as we see it today frees women to be slaves to work(their career), free to indulge in meaningless sex, to be childless, to be the end of their family line. Free to be without that most wonderful of things which is a good and loving relationship with a man. With such a man they can literally create a new life on more than one level. That good and loving man will gladly give his all for her but she in turn must give her all to him. Finding each other and helping each other to become what we should be is the real challenge.
        The agenda to destroy families and the relationship between men and women has been very gradual and extends back decades but once you start to look for it then it becomes clear. We have all been duped and the fractured society we have today proves it.

          • I believe that you are all for equality which is what feminism was about originally. Unfortunately feminism has been hijacked and the original goals of feminism are now used to lure young women into what you call separatist feminism. I also believe that women are the ones who will suffer the most.

        • Brad, appreciate your take and agree with your overall assessment. However, I think you missed the mark on a couple of points.

          Feminism is not about equality. It, like most everything from the left, is about gaining political power for one particular group to be used against another group. It is a power based on irrational hatred of someone or something else not equality. It is about seeking dominance not peaceable equality. If it was about equality why don’t such people call themselves simply “Equalists” instead of fill-in-the-blank ists? The claim of being for “equality” is negated by whatever comes before the ist. Do not fall for the language slight of hand.
          You are correct though that the goal of feminism is part of the Globalists’ long march plan to destroy White Western Civilization. G.K. Chesterton recognized this at the beginning of the movement in the early 1900s when he noticed correctly that feminism is the refusal to be feminine.
          Feminists are simply useful idiots for TPTB; the very same PTB which the left claims to be fighting against.

  • I love how real you are. You are my favorite blogger. Keep up the good work!

  • This was a great article.

  • This being the internet and forever, I’ll keep my comment PG-13. Having a long-term successful sexual partnership is like a having a long-term successful friendship. If you want to HAVE a sexual “partner” (as in equal partner), then you have to BE a partner. We guys don’t need much time to be ready for sex. As in, milliseconds. Women aren’t built like that. Accept and revel in those differences. It definitely pays off.

  • The woman could sit over the edge of the bed with the man kneeling between her legs. The the clitoris could be stimulated durring penetration by the area just above the base of the penis.

    • That will work for some, but in my experience, not many. Hand (or vibrator assisted) stimulation is where it is at for the majority of women.

  • Homepage
    Go to the profile of Existential Constant
    Existential Constant
    I don’t have a message to give to you, but I have a fire to impart to you. And if this fire is not radical, then nothing else can be radical in the whole world.
    Nov 24
    On Orgasm And Female Sexuality
    Caitlin Johnstone
    1.4K16

    Sex is the beginning of life, and death is the end of the same life.

    So they are the two ends of one energy, two poles of one energy.

    They cannot be unconnected.

    It has been noted that whenever people are beheaded, there are still a few countries where this happens, the strangest thing observed is, the moment a man is beheaded, he ejaculates, without exception.

    It is strange, because while his neck is being broken, is this the time to ejaculate?

    But it is not within his capacity.

    When death is happening to him, when life is leaving him, it is natural that his sexual energy also leaves.

    It was part of the whole phenomenon.

    There is no point in it remaining in his body.

    Death, if you die consciously, brings you the greatest orgasm you have ever had in your life.

    If you have lived your life unconsciously, in misery, in suffering, then before death comes, you are bound to go into a coma.

    So you don’t experience the orgasm, or the awareness that death is not happening to you, to your being, but is happening only to the body, to the vehicle that you have been using up to now.

    Love should be made at the highest peak, and that needs a certain discipline.

    People have used discipline to not make love.

    What about discipline to make love rightly, so that your love has the potential to reach even your spiritual world.

    At the highest peak it will reach your very being.

    In the East the common position for love is with the woman on top, not the man.

    The man being on top is absolutely unscientific.

    He is heavier, he is taller, and he is just crushing a woman unnecessarily.

    It will be scientifically right that the woman is on top, then she has more freedom to move, to orgasm, to scream with joy, to beat the man, to bite the man, to scratch his face, or whatsoever comes to her.

    If she is on top she is faster, the man is slower, and that can bring them together to the orgasmic peak.

    With the man on top and the woman under him it is impossible to come together to the orgasmic peak.

    It is an adventure of self-discovery, just as one has to look in the mirror to see one’s face.

    You cannot see your face without the mirror, even to see one’s own original face something else is needed to reflect it.

    This is very strange but this is how things are, one comes to know oneself only through the other, that’s why love is so revelatory.

    When you love somebody they become your mirror.

    A spiritual love certainly transforms both the people who are in that communion.

    It is the greatest alchemy for transformation.

    Love is self-knowledge.

    In the time of the Upanishads, the woman was respected the same as the man.

    The ancient Eastern wisdom had a totally different attitude.

    It was the worst day when man decided that woman was second-grade and had simply to follow man and his dictates.

    It is time that we should bring man and woman wholeheartedly together.

    Their experiences, their understandings, their meditations, should make one whole, and that will be the beginning of a real humanity.

    I have been blocked on https://medium.com/@caityjohnstone

  • It’s so great to hear the perspective of honest women in long-term relationships about what is necessary for great sex. So many women writing about sex are often young and doing it in a way to arouse and serve male readers–surprise surprise–the same way they are probably having sex.
    Having a partner who explores vulva/labia massage has also been a big breakthrough for me personally. He uses his fingers with lot’s of lube or saliva while I focus on simply relaxing/opening up my body, releasing all my tension. This has felt really amazing, especially since this type of contact reminds me to receive. I didn’t realize how difficult it was for me to receive until this experiment. Without this type of massage, my clitoris is not always primed and ready for contact.
    It’s funny because when I was really young I was much more in touch with my sexuality because I hadn’t been exposed to pornography. Watching porn in my youth really detached me from my own internal experience of my sexuality. I really had to mourn this loss before I could change things for myself. Part of this change was enabled by receiving a feminist education and included making sure I found a partner who was already working through his patriarchal conditioning and taking a good hard look at his own desire and expectations. My partner doesn’t watch porn, and I think this says something about his general intelligence and awareness. That’s a super turn on and helps me feel special, valued and…sexual.
    Thanks for your awareness and willing to share.

  • I guess I’ve been lucky. All of my serious sexual relationships have been very sexually satisfying. But then, I’ve always been unabashedly at the helm of my orgasms and taught my lovers how to get me off-which has typically involved use of sex toys. My guys have overwhelmingly been eager students (wanting to learn!) and if a partner seemed disinterested, they were eventually kicked to the curb, as their shitty attitude invariably was pervasive throughout other aspects of their personality. And then I married a man who is a patient, eager, and open minded lover-which was a prerequisite for me since I’m a very physical person and highly value my sexuality. Sadly, I know much of the world prohibits female sexuality (e.g., female genital mutilation being the extreme), but we who have some semblance of choice need to step up and be responsible for our own goddamned orgasms. That means being honest with ourselves and our partners. My 2 cents…

  • Those of us open to new ways for a better life, had something to gain from reading this. Those who oppress manipulate blackmail pimp or use women in any way as stated, are not going to change their ways at the author’s suggestion. Therefore accusations are in vain, furthermore they create rivalry which we already have enough of. Personally I have a great difficulty having an erection before I have become sweet on a woman. Would anyone care to imagine the discomfort (to put it mildly) this has caused me? Should I blame the women for being misguided and hasty? No, I just try to talk to them.

  • I congratulate you on your candid remarks about the need to re-orient ourselves to women’s sexual needs for satisfying sex. My only criticisms which are mostly implied in your article: 1) that it is the fault of the male sex that women often do not have satisfying sex; and 2) that porn is bad because it promotes this situation.

    Regarding the first, I am convinced it’s cultural which both women and men are responsible for, and your and many other people’s efforts are very constructive in changing this culture. I also think that capitalism with its culture of dominance greatly contributes to this situation. Regarding the second, porn only reflects the culture of sexuality among men and women. Porn is promoted by those who control money and that is still mostly males because of the past development of patriarchy and capitalism. It is not porn per se that is responsible because porn can be used to satisfy both sexes.

  • Anything that results in humanity having fewer babies is a great thing, IMO. Thanks for the great article, Caitlin.
    ..
    One good thing about online porn is that there are some videos of women masturbating. Just a woman and a camera. That’s it. Whether or not these videos correspond to reality I cannot say. The amount of time, effort and variations in machinations seem to vary quite a bit. Some, for lack of a better expression, “males” might look at those videos and say to themselves “there’s no way that I’m going to be able to substitute for that” and get pretty intimidated. IMO a case can be made that masturbation provides the best orgasm, bar none.
    ..
    I’ve read some articles that state that pornography is part of the reason why people in wealthier societies are not having enough babies to make those economies grow and provide the Elite’s investments with enough profit. I think that that might be true.
    ..
    I used to be Catholic and go to confession to get all of the “sins” on my “soul” “forgiven”. The day in the confessional that I was told by a “priest” that masturbation was a mortal sin was the day that I started to become the devout atheist I am today. I could not imagine a reason why a God would say that masturbation was a mortal sin. Of course the reason was/is that religions that glorified masturbation and birth control were weeded out of the religion-garden long, long ago, right along with those that encouraged early suicide.
    ..
    While I’m typing, for many years I’ve thought that public nudity should be encouraged. Just imagine walking down Main Street NYC’s crowded sidewalks of nude people. How do you think the birth rate would be affected?
    ..
    Study the religions and social mores of the nations that have the highest birth rates and you see what actually causes what. You’d think that people being covered as much as possible from head to toe would not be good for maximum rate of procreation, but this is not true.
    ..
    Human imagination plays the most vital role in achieving the highest rate of intercourse and births. Lights off can be a blessing.

    • I just remembered the following article in Zerohedge a few months ago:
      “Explosion In Sex Dolls Threatens Japanese Race With ‘Extinction’ ”
      ..
      h…ttps://www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-07-24/explosion-sex-dolls-threatens-japanese-race-extinction
      ..
      I think the comments section is almost as interesting as the article.
      ..
      Whether a nation’s society somehow encourages sperm to meet egg is the ultimate question. That question is constantly being answered by the individuals living in that society and more and more individuals in the Japanese society are choosing dolls, masturbation, or just plain celibacy.
      ..
      The egg and sperm creators in Japan are choosing to delay letting their gametes meet:
      “Percentage of Japanese university students with dating experience falls to record low”
      ..
      https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/11/22/national/percentage-japanese-university-students-dating-experience-falls-record-low/#.W_byS6fL2_K?utm_source=samizdat&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=free
      ..
      It is a fact of human life that babies have to be inside their mothers during at least the first 9 months of their lives, although premature births occur regularly. But after the child is born, the details of the Matrix that that child is raised within are literally unlimited. That child could be taught to never have children or that it’s absolutely necessary that it have 10. These decisions are what will determine the fate and lifestyle of humanity.
      ..
      Don’t worry about the drop in population in Japan, though. The Japanese Elite have come up with the usual solution to countermand the decision of the Japanese to have fewer children and reduce the population.
      h….ttps://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/11/17/national/future-foreign-worker-influx-met-hope-concern-kansai-business-world/#.W_G2aqfL3yJ?utm_source=samizdat&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=free
      ..
      The only question is whether the new immigrants, living the same life of working hell that the typical Japanese worker has to live, will choose to have any children. If they don’t, I guess more immigrants will do the trick.

  • Sex is a drug.

  • A very thought out detailed explanation about the modern day sexuality woes we all face. Women seem to be getting a better grip on the reality of successful, honest, lovemaking. What I’d like to discuss more and read about is when the tables are turned. In other words, when you as a women have a generous, open, healthy sex drive and sexuality but your male partner isn’t feeling it for you anymore. Or has lost interest. Call it male penile dysfunction or emotional dysfunction, it really doesn’t matter they are so intertwined. It is silently causing a large amount of discomfort and dissatisfaction in many bedrooms (if it ever makes it there in the first place). I haven’t found enough satisfactory, thought provoking material on the subject. It’s mostly medical articles and dry analysis that doesn’t really hit the mark for me at least. It’s a slow relationship killer this dynamic. Like dying of a thousand cuts. I understand patience and giving space is the correct approach being a woman under these circumstance. Yet, men are not quick to talk about it with us or move through it or seek out help. So it spins into a silent, frustrating situation for both parties. I think a male point of view and analysis would be better suited to explain the phenomenon more than women trying to speak for men. But considering how fucked up things are already in this department it’s going to take a generation to get any deep clarity on the subject. Especially when men have been programed from young that in order to be a successful lover you have to have a 9 inch dick and work it like a machine for 35minutes non stop. Anything less than that and you’re a deadbeat. It isn’t a cake walk for them either.

  • Thank you. This is so beautifully written, and so obviously true for most men and women. And it makes sexual relationships with a woman soooo much harder for those men who have learned all of this for themselves and have something truly special to offer a prospective lover. Learning this on your own takes time, and patience, and many relationships.

    Which is why women who want better, clitoris-centered love-making should look to older men with sexual experience, rather than ‘age-appropriate’ lovers who are physically more attractive but don’t know a thing about a woman’s pleasure, nor even their own. I for one get more pleasure from a woman’s orgasm than from my own. It’s a cosmic joyous power trip to feel a woman give herself up in orgasm to your touch, far and away greater and more joyous a pleasure and communion than the domination inherent in youthful wham-bang penetration.

    Again, thank you for putting this out there. I’ll try to get this in front of as many male eyes as I can… 😉

  • “Men love it when we gush about the magical and wonderful the sort of orgasm we have when they’re deep dicking us like Ron Jeremy, so some women say exactly that, because most women expend a great deal of mental energy throughout their lives working to prevent men from feeling sexually inadequate. They do that for all sorts of reasons, mostly to do with their own safety.”

    Obviously I don’t know what has happened to you in your past, but accusing most men of threatening the safety of their partner because of sex is pure bullshit. I will never read your site again after you have expressed your opinion that I will harm my wife over sex.

    You are an idiot. You have some enticing views regarding war and you write well, but you understanding of the relationship between men an women is that of a 12 year old. Grow up and fuck off from my life.

    • Touched a nerve, we see. There’s a safe space around the corner, snoflake.

    • Wow, Dude … when I read that line I figured I probably didn’t agree, but then there are all kinds of safety and maybe Caitlin didn’t mean actual physical violence. And then I thought to myself ‘but maybe … ’cause there is definitely a lot of sexual violence out there, but I don’t know the stats’. And then I moved on, because I don’t even agree with myself all the time, let alone some Australian chick I’ve never met. That was me. You, on the other hand, seem to be reacting almost … well, violently. There’s something up with you and I don’t think it’s good.

    • Speaking of 12yr olds, Part of emotional maturity is allowing people with opposing views to express themselves freely, and not getting personally offended by it.

      • Dave, “…Part of emotional maturity is allowing people with opposing views to express themselves freely, and not getting personally offended by it.”

        Fully agree. Yet this is the exact opposite of Leftist Dogma.

        • So so true. When are we going to be able to move on from this leftist BS where people can’t handle criticism any more. It is basically Socialist/Communist brainwashing us into a weak, dependent society so we can be ruled over by the One Percenters. I was left wing leaning all my life until the past few years. Now they’ve lost me.

          • Eggs, agreed. It amazes me how people can hold views that cannot withstand scrutiny, that require the suppression of truth to maintain them.

    • Growing up in the 70´s in California as a long legged blonde, I have had reason to fear for my safety around a surprising number of males, many in positions of responsibility. Kudos if you are a good human being who does not threaten or harm others. Still, stretch your mind to empathize with women who have been made to feel like prey. It leaves an imprint on ones immune system, endocrine system, and psychology that resonates for life.

  • “Wives and girlfriends should not ‘put out’ just because their partner is horny; if a man wants sex from his partner, he should get it by making himself desirable. Making himself desirable means treating her right and being a good partner; her sexual desire won’t open up to him if he is unkind or unreliable. Making himself desirable means making sure that there are no pressing financial or domestic concerns…”

    And there it is. IOW women have no responsibility to men but men have nothing but responsibility to women. This is why MGTOW is only going to increase.

      • It is not an issue of “responsibility” for sex; it is a matter of women demanding something from men (most notably financial) but men are not expected to in any way expect anything in return from women. And this one-way street is why MGTOW is growing.

        MGTOW, like feminism, will indeed have a huge negative impact on women especially for less than desirable women, IOW most women. Men simply do not need women as badly as women need men. And women are going in the wrong direction in attracting good men. Men can get non-responsible sex now more than ever thanks to feminism and its by-product, skanks. Not to mention when the sex robots become more financially viable and far easier for men to deal with than women with financial demands and perpetual chips on their shoulders. The “Liberation” of women will then come full circle and the value of women will once again be reduced to the thing between their legs just as in primitive times. Thus will be the fall of Civilization.

          • Why is it ok for women to demand a financial obligation out of men before having sex with them but it is not ok for men to expect sex after men have provided for women financially? Or do you think it is the man’s “responsibility” to just hand over his hard earned money to a woman for…what reason?

            I do not call women skanks. I call women who act like skanks skanks for the the same reason as I call jerks jerks – because of their own free will chosen behavior.

            Why is it ok for women to use silicone male genitalia but not ok for men to use silicone female genitalia?

            MGTOW may not effect you currently since you already have a beau but for your sisters, especially your fat, unattractive sisters who do not yet have a man, it lowers the number of men in the sucker – I mean dating – pool. And the whole point of MGTOW is that men do not care what women do without us. But I am willing to bet women sure as hell care about what men do without women.

              • Never said women do not contribute financially to the household. But let us be honest about reality here. Women look for men to provide for them. And men provide for women with the reasonable expectation that the provided for women will respond with sex. This is the nature of men and women. Nothing wrong with either side’s nature except when one side tries to deny the other side its nature. Yin and Yang only work if they are together equally.

                If by prostitution you mean a woman selling sex to a man then yes all women are prostitutes; some are simply more honest and straight forward about it than others. A man is paying for sex either straight up with a one time upfront transaction with a hooker or with a long term payment plan with a wife. But thanks to feminism women no longer have to sell it either way. Now they can give it away for free! Men, especially MGTOW, thank feminism for the liberation!

                  • Or do you want to end the conversation because you are unable to refute my analysis? The lynch pin of my argument is the definition of prostitution. If my definition is wrong then it should be easy to dismantle my argument. So what is your definition of prostitution?

  • Lesbian sex is best when the g-spot is fingered while the clit is tongued.

  • What is it men in women do require?
    The lineaments of gratified desire.
    What is it women do in men require?
    The lineaments of gratified desire.
    —Blake

  • As always, Caitlin, you “hit the nail on the head.” Congrats! Now watch a few shows from Manuel Ferrara. You’ll gush over his performances.

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