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This Job Sucks Sometimes

I’m having a really hard time.

I always do my best to speak the truth in a loud and unmitigated voice because the sociopaths who rule us have built an empire on the fact that they are bold and assertive while the healthy are meek and mild, but I’m also very sensitive, and this job gets to me sometimes.

My social media notifications are lit up nonstop full of tags and tweets and mentions of people talking about me, calling me a racist, saying I’m a Nazi, saying I’m paid by the alt-right. I don’t mind the attacks from the centrists anymore; they generally just accuse me of being a paid agent for whichever government I happen to be disputing western propaganda about on any given day. But as a lifelong bleeding heart lefty, the baseless accusations of racism and Nazism still cut like a knife.

People are combing through everything I’ve ever written, any and all public information about me, in order to find something incriminating. And they’re knowingly ignoring countless things I’ve written which directly contradict their narratives about me to do it; stuff where I condemn police violence against African Americans, defend Black Lives Matter, defend Colin Kaepernick, advocate for slavery reparations, object to Australia’s brutal treatment of refugees and the Aboriginal people, condemn antisemitism and Islamophobia, copious feminist and socialist writings, they ignore all that in the hopes of snatching one odd-looking thing out of context to screen shot and share around.

I’m not a celebrity. I’m not some MSNBC millionaire who built a lucrative career before ever having to even participate in social media with an occasional tweet here and there. To have my entire life combed over by masses of scrutinizing eyes can feel viscerally uncomfortable. And it takes a toll.

So I’m not bringing my A-game today. My longtime readers know that sometimes when things are overwhelming I stick with my goal of writing honestly every day, and just write from where I’m at. Right now, where I’m at is sprawled out on the bed with a nervous system that feels like it’s been put through a cement mixer with a swarm of hungry army ants.

I can so understand why more people don’t do this. Speak the truth as you see it in an unmitigated way with no regard for groupthink and eventually you’ll say something that pisses people off, and they’ll still be screeching about it nine months later. I am a good healer and I will be fine, but there are a lot of people who would never willingly wade into these waters.

This is why the people who rise to the top are the ones who are unbothered by such attacks. The ones who can’t feel. The sociopaths. That’s what we’re creating for ourselves with this frenetic feeding-frenzy groupthink dynamic.

It’s apparent that some people are out to wipe me off the face of the planet. They all have stated different reasons for doing so, many that conflict with each other. I see them fighting and blocking each other all the time too. I have a little saying “wedgers gonna wedge.” Some people only know how to wedge people to get what they want; that’s literally the only tool in their box. It’s “my way or the highway,” and they’ve never been able to create enthusiasm with other people about a shared project. They are pure competitors. They aren’t collaborators, they only know how to bully and cajole, guilt and wedge people into going along with their agenda. They have never inspired or enthused anyone. They wouldn’t know where to start.

In that way, it’s unsurprising that they hate everything that I am. I am the opposite of the thing they are. I was literally lifted out of the Facebook groups into the spotlight by people’s enthusiasm for the way I spoke our collective truth. Day after day, I am just saying what many of us see and hear and think. I consider myself a mere megaphone. People share my pieces because they appreciate the way I encapsulate our distress, our hopes, how I put a strong case forward for our suspicions and how I frame our wisdom.

I was and am just a Facebook mom; I’m the literal stereotype of “Wine time!” suburbia. I’m not classy or hip, I’m as PB&J as they come, and it’s not cool. I’m not cool. But guess what? There are a lot of us. A lot of worried moms and dads, heartbroken grandparents, and uneasy millennials who won’t ever score a slot on MSNBC either. There’s a lot of us and we deserve to be heard. We have something to say. Let us fucking say it. We might not say it in the exact right university-correct, college campus lingo, we might not have read all the boring books of old men who died a long time before the internet, you might find our interest in some things too gauche for your taste, too kitschy, too cheap-seats, too suburban. Fine. Read someone else. There’s plenty that cater to the elitist left-wing tastes.

Just hear this: workers’ revolutions needs to enthuse workers. That means the working class. No revolution ever happened over cocktails in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Your knee-jerk disgust for the working class and the way my “cheap-seats” populism appeals to it is a severe impediment to galvanizing the 99 percent.

Someone needs to be willing to speak to real people where they actually are. You won’t. I will. If it were up to me I’d just be drawing and writing poems and selling books, but since none of you elitist wankers are willing to stand here and do what needs to be done, I will.

So have your little elitist socialist revolution, that’s fine, have it over drinks off campus and haw-haw-haw over a plate of paleo treats and a serving of self-righteousness, get off on punching soft targets like me and getting high on the sound of your own voice, but you don’t have the right to shut us down. You. Don’t. Have. That. Right. You might kill me off but there will be another right behind me, and another and another and another. We will be heard. Our voices will be heard. You can’t gatekeep the revolution to a chosen few. Our biological urge to survive demands that we take this to the people. I don’t care if that makes the control-freaks uncomfortable. Deal with it.


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Latest comments

  • Take heart and be stoic! The attacks mean that you are on target. Develop your own web site that can screen out the bots. The attacks are code for the secret society most visibly present as antifa. We are all Palestinians now.

  • Dearest Caitlin,

    Do not despair dear heart. We see you. We love you. We send love and compassion to our heroic warrior who writes with the conviction of truth. Don’t let the bastards win. Don’t let them silence you. The children of the Earth need a voice. Mother Earth needs to be championed. Your army of Earth loving warriors are with you. You are loved, supported and very much needed.

  • Thank you Caitlin for all you do, you’re not a sociopath so of course the backlash can take it’s toll.

    Us leftys who don’t follow the propaganda narrative are not very popular since ‘our side’ has been swept up by confirmation bias. Yet here you are day in day out speaking the truth regardless of how ‘popular’ it is and in effect for those of us that are not being heard, so how awesome are you?

    From one bleeding heart to another please take a well deserved break and as my former PM said to Nixon after being called an asshole “I’ve been called worse things by better people.”

  • Caitlin, of everything I’ve ever read from you, I love this column the most. Even on the rare occasion that I disagree with you, I most love that you unflinchingly speak your truth. In this case, you eloquently stated what I have made a rule of life. If ‘they’ don’t like what I say, they can kill me. Short of that, they’ll neither shut me up, nor get me to change facts to suit their preferred storyline. ”
    I’m a retired senior who simply carries on as my, long deceased, father did before me. His efforts predated the public internet. However, after he passed, I went through all his photos and documents, to decide what to keep and of which to dispose. I found a stack of photocopies of letters sent to his member of Congress, sometimes applauding them, at others berating or imploring. It is my firm determination that, had the internet existed for him, he would have sounded very much as you do today. Keep up the good fight. I know that you will never waver, because I sense that you know no other way but to be true to yourself. That’s why a large and growing number of people love you.
    PS I do get your columns by email, but rarely click the box to be notified of other comments by email. Between a crazily-hectic schedule for a retired senior and other demands on my time, my inbox will often swell if left alone for a day or two or more, with the hundreds of daily emails I regularly receive.
    And after all, most of my comments are primarily meant for your eyes. I see the support and love for you, from others, in various other places. And, it may be from others sharing there as I do, but I do see you virtually every day on Facebook. Try as FB might, it simply has not found a way to make you disappear.

  • Caitlin I can’t imagine the crap you have to put up with but please know that those of us who love and respect you are very, very grateful that you share your desire to speak truth so eloquently.
    I believe the trolls that attack you do so out of jealousy of your ability to shine a light on their ugliness and expose them for the narrow-minded bigots that they are.
    Don’t let the bastards get you down.

  • I wish I could feel your pain, so you wouldn’t have to. So many of us believe and understand the world in the same way you do, but we simply don’t have the background, knowledge and/or talent to express it the way you do. That is your contribution; that is your service to the rest of us. Please do try to keep going, and to ignore your detractors. We need you; we need your voice. Thank you.

  • Dear Caity,

    I cannot fathom the heat you must be taking from so many sides. You are so brave to take on the corruption, propaganda & lies. You are a hero to us who know the truth and who try to wake our communities from the sheep sleep inflicted upon them by the mass media. I want you to know that we are here and we know you are not what they are saying to discredit and hurt you. You are a warrior of truth and we love and support you. You are appreciated. Your voice is a light in the darkness.

  • Reasons to attack a progressive truth teller whose popularity is skyrocketing.

    1. Jealousy – You’re a psuedo progressive hack and can’t stand that a Suzy come lately is getting more popular (and getting published in more respected outlets) than you.

    2. A threat to your narrative – Oops. Looks like someone isn’t buying into Syrian Sarin Gas and Russiagate scams. And they may actually be convincing people. Worse, they’re suggesting that the mindless us vs. them-ism is acting as a distraction and keeping potential allies away. If they didn’t do it in such a compelling, fact based manner it wouldn’t be a threat. Unfortunately they’re convincing people and making you look, at best, mistaken. Can’t have that.

    3. Unlike the Bernie Bros you are actually a closet misogynist.

    4. You have difficulty thinking/investigating on your own and someone who relieves you of that burden told you what to think. You proudly repeat their memes, sometimes even using different words. That makes it almost like your own thoughts. Aren’t you so proud…?

    5. You hate all things progressive because you’re a big rightwinger or a supporter of Hillary who will never forgive and never forget that progressives refused to fall into line for your warmonger.

    6. You’re a troll. It’s just another thing to evoke a response. Ha Ha. Look how upset people get. What fun!

    7. You’re an asshole.

    8. ???

  • Trust in truth keeps hope alive!

  • Heartening to see genuine support for you.
    Please don’t burn yourself out. The trouble with being brighter and braver than average is that, there is a tendency to take on too much responsibility – more often than not because there is a dearth of sparkling, principled gung-ho heroes to supplement such efforts and thus take the burden off you.
    Having detailed clearly the realities of the issues and of we, flawed creatures, with our vulnerabilities and virtues, it is up to us to take up the baton wherever and whenever we can, within our capabilities and within our circumstances. It’s up to us – not you.
    You deserve a break – something self-indulgent and frivolous. If not, there is the danger that we slip slide down to their level – taking on board the same characteristics of those that alarm us.
    (P.S. Cat and dog videos are good and curative).

  • Thank you for all that you do, Caity. It means so much to me to hear these words. You’ve expressed my feelings exactly, once again. You have my utmost respect and love. I am grateful for your courage and your selfless attempts to help us all understand the path to a better world.

  • Rest. Recuperate. Re-charge. And then , come back. PLEASE come back.

    There are a lot of us , as you say , but not all of us have what you have : A clear and sharp mind that generates compelling ideas and narratives , along with the ability to deftly communicate those thoughts to the outside world. Don’t let the bastards get you down. We need you and they know that. Don’t let them win.

    BTW , you’re wrong about one thing , because you are , in fact , VERY classy.

  • Life is tough right now for us whistleblowers because Putin has undermined the supposed US first-strike capability but a window remains until Russia fabs and deploys enough of the new missiles. The MIC has spent billions on ABM that is now or soon negated by Intercontinental cruise missiles ICCMs. The opposition may be trying to take advantage of that window to wipe us all out, at least the whistleblowers if not most of mankind.

    And Putin did not even mention Russia’s EM weapons that deflect anti-tank missiles in the Ukraine and send US ship like the SS Cook into safe harbor deaf and dumb- and supposedly can disable every vehicle in between as well as aircraft carriers and perhaps even aircraft. Right now there is reason for great joy in the world. The evil empire is dead in the waters.

  • People just love to jump from point A to point C, with little to no hang-time in Point B. You said ‘this’, so now you’re officially (and only) ‘this’. It doesn’t matter that you also said ‘this’, and ‘this’, etc. Doesn’t matter that they believe 95% of what you believe, because you made the unforgivable mistake of saying something they disagree with – so everything else is shit.

    Intent doesn’t matter either, apparently. Intent being to move us all forward and fight the powers that be. While it’s ok to disagree about how to do that, it’s not ok to mischaracterize you as a human being or to intentionally misconstrue your motives. It’s pretty clear to anyone paying attention that your progressive motivations and goals are spot on. So, keep on keepin’ on. Please.

  • Dear Caitlin, I don’t think your critics really care about changing the world.

    Hating is fun: you can get a kick from hating immigrants, but also from hating racists, or from hating you.

    Theodore Dalrymple put it very well:


    “It is a strange fact of human psychology that one often has mixed feelings about what—with what one might call the official part of one’s mind—one hates. We are drawn back over and over again to contemplate that which we supposedly detest and wish destroyed. There is more than one reason for this.

    In the first place, hatred is an enjoyable emotion. It gives one a sense of moral superiority to whatever is hated as well as a possible source of purpose in existence, if one takes up the cause against it in any practical way. But it is also restful or comforting to the mind, insofar as it obviates the necessity to think any further about other things in all their tiresome complexity. The latter, complexity, is apt to frighten or overwhelm us, to reduce us to a state of paralysis or powerlessness. Monomania empowers.

    The mind seeks easy targets as a carrier pigeon homes to its destination. Fortunately for our mental equilibrium, the world presents us with a superfluity of easy targets to choose from. In this sense, political correctness performs a very useful function; for without it, journalists of good sense, such as myself, might have to stretch their minds on such important but dull subjects as what to do in practice about traffic congestion or the under-provision of nursery places. An intellectual might be defined as a person who perpetually seeks easy targets for his critical thought and mourns the passing of a problem. “

  • You;ll appreciate this interesting article explaining why people innately respond to injustice — and insights into why in today’s world that is faltering.

    The Unfairness Pill by Lynne McTaggert

    Keep up the great work. You’re the best!!

  • I so look forward to your daily comments, poetry, and essays.. Caitlin, you are a very powerful and articulate truth teller. The sociopaths view you as a threat, and the sleepwalkers just don’t get it. Keep speaking from your Self. You are raising the consciousness of people. Is there any cause more noble and worthy?

  • I so look forward to your daily comments, poetry, and essays.. Caitlin, you are a very powerful and articulate truth teller. The sociopaths view you as a threat, and the sleepwalkers just don’t get it. Keep speaking from your Self. You are raising the consciousness of people. Is there any nobler cause than that?

  • I’m a progressive leftist and a Truther, and I’m shocked that so many of my old liberal friends are so close-minded. I’m actually finding more in common with right-wing people these days when it comes to Deep State and Red Pill issues. Keep up with your fabulous writing of what many of us which we could express so eloquently. We need you!

  • hang in there Caitlin . . .
    as you already know,
    here on planet earth,
    no good deed
    will go unpunished
    by the sociopathic plutocracy . . .
    – but TRUTH is our only chance at being liberated,
    so we speak truth, – even as we get pommelled.

  • I’m sure you can’t help reading in awe and wonder the bad stuff written by the jealous haters- they’re trying to steal your energy and gain from it. “We are all in a competition for energy”- from The Celestine Prophesy

    You are powerful and gifted with eloquence – and the service you do for humanity is appreciated by so many. The satisfaction you get when you tear apart injustice and hypocrisy is a source of your energy, and you are compelled to do what you do. Your audience gives that energy back to you.

  • You’re great. I do what you do, on a tiny scale…researching and writing publicly about corruption in one small county in the middle of Pennsylvania. And I know what the cement truck and army of ants feels like. Rest and get back to it, and feel proud of both…the resting and the getting up. Because you’re so right. It’s only sociopaths who don’t get tired and discouraged. So exhaustion is yet another sign that you’re on the right track. And thanks for writing about it. It’s an important thing to normalize and connect over.

  • Oh man, that comment sounded waaaay too newagey than I wanted it to. Please just know that it’s coming from the heart and not from some airy-fairy shallow sentimental facade, because basically I’m saying you’re a badass and get well soon. Cheers!

  • I love you, Caitlin Johnstone. You are our brave sister, a Soul of intelligence, love, and will working through a bold and sensitive personality. More power to you and your awesome husband who works with you on the podcast. I love how you two love each other and enjoy each other. I am lighting a candle for you tonight, asking for the Master’s healing. May love and healing pour through your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies, bringing all into balance and equilibrium. May this pain you’re dealing with bring even more light and strength to you as you soldier on. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. And I hope you have some time to and a reason to laugh as you take a temporary step back from the astral whirlwind. Peace and detachment…

  • Caitlin: Please don’t let yourself be discouraged! You are an inspiration to me and, I assume, countless others. You are a truth-teller par excellence and I hope you never stop. We need your strong, honest voice!

  • Caitlin. Thank you for being our voice.

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