We interrupt today’s Caitlin Johnstone article with this breaking news report from the National News Conglomerate. NNC: Obey.
WASHINGTON — One of the nations the United States government has targeted for destruction is guilty of doing a very bad thing that nobody can see, according to sources familiar with the matter.
One senior official who spoke on conditions of anonymity told NNC that while nobody was killed or injured by the bad thing that was done by the bad country, and that the bad thing has in fact had no discernible effect on anything anywhere that everyday Americans would be able to perceive with the naked eye, it was still a very bad thing and will almost certainly require a much more inflated military budget to deal with.
“It’s true that the thing which was done was not bad enough to have hurt any American or to have affected the observable universe in any way that Americans can verify by observation, but it was definitely bad enough to justify strengthening our military presence against the bad country,” the official said. “I hear the Raytheon family has a fine line of surprisingly affordable new products to choose from that would be ideal for our nation’s national security needs.”
Other sources confirmed that the US intelligence community is between “somewhat confident” and “kinda confident” in its assessment that the thing we just reported as verified fact in preceding paragraphs actually occurred.
When another source familiar with the matter was asked if the US government would be providing the public with any evidence that the bad thing had in fact happened and had actually been done by the accused foreign government, the source said “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,” the source then added. “Oh wait you’re serious, let me laugh even harder, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
“The evidence is classified,” the source added, anonymously. “It’s secret, invisible evidence.”
Les Overton, a senior fellow at the DC-based policy group American Freedom Democracy for Freedom Institute, told NNC that it is common for US government agencies to make unverifiable claims about invisible misdeeds being perpetrated by nations the US government doesn’t like.
“Sometimes it’s hacking, sometimes it’s paying bounties on US soldiers in Afghanistan, sometimes it’s election interference, sometimes it’s considering doing a bad thing and then not actually doing it,” Overton said. “Either way we always uncritically report the allegation as a fact unless it’s irrefutably proven false, and even then we just sort of still act like it’s true because we don’t want to be unpatriotic.”
“I mean, if you can’t trust an assertion by an anonymous official from the United States government, what in this world can you trust?” Overton added.
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