The always reliable NBC News has published an important and informative article titled “Russia-linked Twitter accounts promoted ‘doxxing’ over racial tension videos”, which uses fearless investigative insinuations and cutting-edge vagueness to inform readers that viral videos of Americans being racist are essentially a Russian fabrication.

The article’s four authors boldly document the shocking, bombshell findings of a Clemson University study that “almost 30 suspicious Twitter accounts” were involved in retweeting videos of racist behavior from white Americans, and, as alert readers should all be aware by now, “suspicious” is another word for “Russian”. Since we all know that racism has never been a problem in America and only Russian agents could possibly promote such an outlandish idea, we can safely assume that anyone we see sharing viral videos of white Americans being horrible to minorities is a subversive agent of the Kremlin.

Due to the need to protect western democracy from the malign influence of Moscow, it has become increasingly necessary for patriotic citizens to call attention to these nefarious propagandists so that social media users don’t become hypnotized by their soul-corrupting memes. This is why you will very often see alert netizens sounding the alarm online whenever they catch someone doing something Kremliny, such as expressing skepticism of western intelligence agencies or criticizing Kamala Harris. Here are five things you can do to avoid being caught in the crossfire of this vital information war and getting labeled a Russian agent yourself:

1. Always support all actions of the US military and its allies.

There’s only one person who benefits from skepticism toward the activities of western military forces, and that’s Vladimir Putin. Nobody but a GRU agent would question the fact that our brave men and women in uniform are out there fighting for freedom and democracy in the highest interest of everyone involved. Our trusted leaders have never lied to us about what they are using the armed forces for, and they’re not about to start now.

This rule applies to news which demonstrates the need for military action as well. If the television tells you that Bashar al-Assad has dropped poison gas on an area full of children and video cameras, and you find your mind quibbling over details like the absence of any strategic reason for such a thing, just relax and keep watching. This is just your mind trying to turn you Russian. The TV will straighten you out.

2. Believe everything the news reporters tells you.

It is a known fact that Putin’s main goal in his hybrid warfare against truth and freedom is to weaken our trust in our institutions. That’s step one of his plot: weaken our trust in our institutions and media. Step two, well, nobody knows what step two is, but step three is the annexation of America and the EU into the Russian Federation.

The best way to thwart this sinister plot is therefore to place as much trust as possible in authoritative news bodies which, unlike Russian media, have no record of circulating fake news or propaganda at any time ever. There is a fully diverse range of trusted media outlets for you to choose from, varying all the way across the entire political spectrum from politically conservative outlets like The Wall Street Journal and Fox News, to highly progressive news outlets like The Washington Post and MSNBC. There’s something for everybody!

3. Accept Joe Biden as your Lord and Savior.

President Joe is happening. It’s like one of his famous neck kisses: you might not like it, you might not want it, but it’s happening. So you may as well get used to the idea. Don’t struggle against it. Don’t protest it. Don’t be Russian about it.

This rule also applies to the surrogate Joe Bidens waiting in the wings in case Plan A falls through. No objecting to President Kamala, President Liz or President Beto, either. If the DNC decides that that’s what’s best for you then you’ll vote for it and say thank you, you insolent little shits.

4. Kiss up to power, kick down at the oppressed.

Your government loves you. Your government would never do anything to harm you. Your government would never do anything to harm anyone. Anyone who criticizes your government or its friends is your enemy. They are Russian. They must be destroyed.

The unwashed masses want to take from your leaders what is rightfully theirs. The unwashed masses have been hypnotized by Russia. They do not know what is best for them. They are useful idiots. It is your job to correct their thinking, loyal citizen. Correct them as forcefully as necessary.

5. Believe all America’s problems started in January 2017.

It is common knowledge that the White House has been infiltrated by the Kremlin using a complex scheme involving hackers, Facebook memes, Trump Tower, and urinating Russian prostitutes. All of America’s problems began at that time, whether they be racism, gun violence, deportations, Republican Party corruption, or political divisiveness. Any attempt to trace any problems to any time prior to January 2017 or any location other than Moscow is Russian. If we get rid of the Putin Puppet, we solve all of America’s problems forever.

If you meticulously follow these five steps, loyal citizen, you can be sure to avoid ever being labeled a Russian agent. Probably. Maybe. Depends how obedient you are. I wouldn’t worry about it.


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45 responses to “How To Avoid Being Called A Russian Agent Online”

  1. Joe Bite-Me deserves to be President just as much as Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit did the last time around. Which is another way of saying, “He’s a loser!”

    ​Tom sends this article from Ellen Brown about the Chinese economic model, which bleeds the economy at fewer points in the food chain than the western neoliberal model does. The west did not grow up and thrive under neoliberalism, either. Neoliberalism extracts value.
    ​ ​Just as the U.S. had engaged in a Cold War to destroy the Soviet communist model, so Western financial interests set out to destroy this emerging Asian threat. It was defused when Western neoliberal economists persuaded Japan and the Asian Tigers to adopt a free-market system and open their economies and companies to foreign investors. Western speculators then took down the vulnerable countries one by one in the “Asian crisis” of 1997-8. China alone was left as an economic threat to the Western neoliberal model, and it is this existential threat that is the target of the trade and currency wars today.

    ​Spy software through the decades that feeds critical information to Mossad, Promis first, they Carbyne.
    Maxwell and Epstein. the last quarter of this long article has info on Promis and Carbyne.
    Robert Maxwell Ghislane Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein tied to top Israeli officials and Mossad by best global spyware ever.​ Thanks Travis.
    ​ ​Narativ, which wrote the first expose on Carbyne after Epstein’s arrest, noted that the Chinese government uses a smartphone app very similar to Carbyne as part of its mass surveillance apparatus, even though the original purpose of the app was for improved emergency reporting. According to Narativ, the Chinese Carbyne-equivalent “monitors every aspect of a user’s life, including personal conversations, power usage, and tracks a user’s movement.”

  3. Hmmm

    Twitter, Youtube, and Google all have longstanding formal agreements with the israeli government to aid and protect israel’s interests on their respective services….. No such agreement has ever existed with the Russian government………….

    Along the same lines one would have to assume that if in fact the “Russians” were really influencing US foreign and Domestic policy and elections there would be literally thousands of dual citizen Russians working in key positions in Congress, the White House, the Judiciary, the State Department, the Media, Hollywood, The Fed etc. Funny thing about that, there are essentially NONE. On the other hand there are in total literally thousands of dual citizen israelis working in all these key place of power and influence. And 10’s of thousand more working for the various jewish/zionist/israeli lobbies that essentially operate as agents of israel…….

    but, but, it’s the Russians I swear it!…….

  4. I want Putin to run for president of the United States. I know he would do a better job than any candidate the ruling sociopaths will allow us to vote into office. If anyone could make America great again, it would be Putin. None of our puppet presidents like Trump, Obama, Bush, or Clinton ever had any intention of making America great. But with both Russia and the U.S. under Putin, the war in Syria would stop. The aggression towards Venezuela would end. Assange would be released, and Snowden could come home. Iran would be our friend, and Israel would be held accountable for its many crimes against humanity.


    So that’s why I will be accused of being a Russian agent. Israel doesn’t want to be held accountable.

  5. …Doing something ‘Kremliny’…LOLOLOL

    Great coinage there…keep up the great work

  6. I love your with and sarcastic humor. Keep up the good work. Appreciate U. Wish I was wealthy to help U out better..

  7. Michel Bélisle Avatar
    Michel Bélisle

    But if you do all of the above to avoid being branded a Russian agent, you become a 9/11 plotters agent.

    There seems to be no way out of being an agent of some sort.

    I prefer to be an agent of Jesus. And He is coming back very soon according to many prophecies. And I pray the Rosary to hasten His Glorious return because I do have really really seen enough of all the bullshit, really really I tell you I am completely fed up.

  8. Probably the best we can hope for is Elizabeth Warren. I’d vote for her is it came down to it. If they offer up Biden, I will go Green to flip them off, just as I did over HRC.

    1. Caitlin puts Liz in the right company: with Kamala & Beto. How about Tulsi?

      1. keeping in mind the sophistication of the russians, i’d definitly vote for the one the msm calls a russian agent. 🙂

  9. by reacting in any way to the ghouls’ labeling you, you are already defeated and folded into their propaganda system.

    BDS means paying no attention to the ghouls, just like the ghouls completely black out successful, popular pro-BDS events.

    BDS means you organize, participate in, and report on activities alternative to the dominant system.

  10. **BREAKING**

    It is reported that Jefferey Epstein has “committed suicide”.

    1. There is no way that ” his crowd ” wanted him to talk or to ” blackmail them again ” they wanted him dead and he is dead. How he died will always be doubted; why he had to die is as plain as daylight.

    2. Reuters does not even say “apparent” suicide. It says “committed suicide”.

      However, they did qualify it by going circular and saying that they, Reuters, are reporting what “several US media outlets” are reporting.

      Reuters article (until updated again) says this in it’s entirety (one paragraph only):

      August 10, 2019 / 9:21 AM / Updated 3 minutes ago ”

      (Reuters) – Jeffrey Epstein, the U.S. financier facing federal sex trafficking charges, committed suicide on Friday night in his lower Manhattan jail cell, several U.S. media outlets reported on Saturday.

    3. dubin, minsky, dershowitz, summers, wexner, brunel, clinton, richardson, mitchell, “prince” andrew, and just starting….

    4. Don’t worry. The FBI is investigating Epsteins’s death, just like it “investigated” Russiagate, just like it “investigated” 9/11, just like it “investigated” the JFK assassination.

  11. My brother called me a Russian spy on FB because of my support for Julian Assange. He said he won’t ever speak to me again. I should have had these important tips. Sigh.

    1. Good A discord in the American family. That’s what we the Russian bots/trolls/shmalls could only hope for.

  12. Only part of us is sane: only part of us loves pleasure and the longer day of happiness, wants to live to our nineties and die in peace, in a house that we built, that shall shelter those who come after us. The other half of us is nearly mad. It prefers the disagreeable to the agreeable, loves pain and its darker night despair, and wants to die in a catastrophe that will set back life to its beginnings and leave nothing of our house save its blackened foundations.- Read this article here:

  13. “…a complex scheme involving hackers, Facebook memes, Trump Tower, and urinating Russian prostitutes.” The fiends! Duck and cover! Duck and cover!

  14. ✅ Talk more about the organ grinders and distract less about the monkeys.

    …………Causes. Not symptoms.

  15. The ultimate insult to the suffocating insanity that surrounds us is to laugh at it. This is our bitter/sweet dark humor that the masses will never be in on. We need this to avoid drowning in tears or burning to death from rage.

    1. Right on!

  16. It is upside down topsy-turvy time all over again. Rude Awakening by James Howard Kunstler.

    1. mister Kunstler presents one no other choice than to vote for the donald again, now does he?

      1. Unfortunately, many people within these United States want or need a new civil war that will restore the Confederate States of America. The bloodshed that will cause means nothing to them because ” the cause is worth it “. A year from now there might not be a United States of America. Time will tell!

        1. let’s hope the threat of civil war will convince the adversaries to be “the bigger person”.

          1. Hoping and Praying is about all we can do about what is to come.

  17. I am in shock; almost speechless! It must have been the Russians that wiped out the Native American Indians too. It is the Russians killing the people in Gaza. The Russians are doing it all. Bomb the Russians before they bomb us! Please pass the corn liquor!

  18. I dutifully read all the way to the end, nodding along and grunting in approval at appropriate points along the way . . . Yes, yes, I will do all these things and I will save myself from ridicule and ostracism….. but then, my inner Russian (apparently I have one, who knew) tacked on a last sentence, floating alone in its own double space paragraph:

    “On Opposite Day.”

    I guess there’s no hope for me.

  19. Brilliant and excruciatingly funny

  20. National PropRadio had on Isikoff in order that he could more widely propagate his own conspiracy theory about the Seth RichDNC “conspiracy” theory being a Russian originated hoax, but that’s not even what I want to discuss, because more chilling was the absolute glee in Isikoff’s voice when he talked about the FBI designating “conspiracy” theorists as being terrorists. (I was going to expound upon my theory that our leaders are controlled by aliens who are forcing climate change so that the atmosphere becomes methane-ated, and thus fit for the aliens’ colonization, but now I can’t, and I can’t tell you about my serendipitously discovered method for identifying the alien/human hybrids amoung us (hint though, it involves tape, graphite, silly putty, and listening closely) )

  21. I started laughing at Clemson University and haven’t stopped yet. I spent time living just down the interstate highway from there, so I know the place. Of course, like all such schools, the most important thing is their football team. Its a private school. One of those proud southern university that used to refuse to admit African-Americans. In the early 60’s, like the other southern schools they were forced to by the courts under JFK to desegregate. Even decades later, one gets the feeling that they only go along to get better athletes for their football and basketball teams.
    On a personal note, I saw Pink Floyd led by Roger Waters play at the football stadium one hot summer night. The flying pig was there and everything. I felt then that I had now officially seen a late-20th century full-fledged Spectacular!
    Generally, its the sort of southern, redneck university that would gladly take military and oligarchs money and churn out whatever report they wanted. I’m sure the university would have their list of achievements, but they aren’t exactly known worldwide for their academic purity and determination to chase the truth wherever it might lead. Then again, no American university is now that they are all funded by the War Dept and by Oligarchs. But hey, their football team (American) wins a lot of games, so the students can go bragging about how they killed the opposition over and over. If you saw a Clemson logo on a car and stopped to talk about it, I’d give at least 100:1 that the first thing the person mentions is the football team.

    1. I’m cherry picking from the list, but here are a few names that jump out from a list of famous Clemson alumni.
      — Jimmy Byrnes. A name well-known to those who’ve watched Oliver Stone’s Untold History of the US. He was the racist, anti-union Democrat who pushed Harry Truman into the VP, and then was his Sec of State as American started Cold War 1.0. If you want to pin the blame on someone for most of what’s wrong in America these days, he’s a good pick.
      — Nikki Haley. Trump’s former UN yeller and screamer.
      — Strom Thurmond. American Senator and famous racist. This is who Joe Biden was talking about when he talked about how he could work with racists in the US Senate.
      And the expected list of country music singers, beauty queens and people who appeared on a soap opera or reality tv show. They try to claim the author James Dickey, but he either fled or got thrown out after one year. The President of Hooters (an American restaurant chain known for greasy wings and waitresses wearing short shorts and tight t-shirts. The President of an American football team, the advisor who helped Trump on his reality tv show. The guy who’s famous for getting his U-2 shot down during the Cuban Missile Crisis leading Gen. LeMay to call for an all out nuclear war. And then they get to the “Sports” section of the list, which is far, far longer than non-sports section including the luminaries above.
      Wow, if people like that have gone there, how could they be doubted about the fact that racism never existed in America before Putin?

      1. It struck me after I wrote the above that there is NOBODY on the wiki page who is famous for scientific or academic excellence. Zero, zip, nada, nobody. That’s actually a bit of an achievement for a university. A university that has never produced a person who is famous at doing what a university is supposed to do.

    2. Clemson seems to be developing a reputation for what I call “computational propaganda”. “Yah, give us some money and we will prove what you want us to prove.” WAPO used Clemson to research” the role between the Russians and Bernie Sanders starting with the primaries. If you are posting here, I will bet you immediately know the Clemson finding.

      See (April 12, this year)–and-help-elect-trump/2019/04/11/741d7308-5576-11e9-8ef3-fbd41a2ce4d5_story.html

      ““I think there is no question that Sanders was central to their [Russian] strategy. He was clearly used as a mechanism to decrease voter turnout for Hillary Clinton,” said one of the Clemson researchers, Darren Linvill, an associate professor of communications.

  22. Hi Caitlin. Sorry to barge in but I wanted to speak to you directly, and don’t what else to do. I’d post a letter but don’t know how. I wanted to quote……. someone…….I respect immensely. Her words are for people like yourself. “The truth can be exposed only by clear facts, not by circumwriting and nice words. Such a form would be judged to fail in the beginning, as already many such bringer of truth have experienced before (you). They love the truth alright, but to announce it in public is for them another matter. We do not want to establish a global organization of truth or swamp over within a short time the world’s dwellers by the truth, as such is not for use for our mission. Only small groups are suited…And by them (you) the truth will slowly spread over generations and centuries of all mankind. You are the one’s only effecting only the basic preparation work. The truth is harsh and can never be announced in soft words; this they should consider. They should calmly reflect on the prophets of old, whose lessons of truth were couched in much harsher expressions than…..(you). The truth is never readily accepted and in consequence strikes enmity. This already the old prophets experienced, who often gave their life for it, and this will happen now and and in the future as well…” Thanks for all you do. I had to transmit these words to you.

    1. This pretty much reflects one of my favorite Orwell quotations: “The further society drifts from truth, the more it hates those who speak it.”

    2. It was ever so.

      “The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. A Galileo could no more be elected President of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of soft illusion”.

      – H.L. Mencken (“The Art Eternal”, New York Evening Mail 1918, as quoted in Alistair Cooke, “The Vintage Mencken”)

  23. AND, I make sure my kids receive double vaccinations, we drink Roundup with our dinners, we know those multiple jet trails are natural, and that 911 was a commie plot. There is nothing to fear.

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